Harry Potter the Musical
by Awahili
Summary: By all rights, this should be illegal. PG for.....umm....I'll get back to you. It's a humorous response to Severitus' challenge. LOL.....I am so ashamed........*sighs* It is finished.
1. Act I

Ok, it was late when I thought of this, but it seemed like a great twist on Severitus' challenge. Come on, a Harry Potter musical!  
  
These songs are taken from various Disney movies and other musicals. I had to change some of the words to fit it into the HP universe, but as I am the writer, I have the license. I plan on writing a serious answer to the Severitus challenge, but this was just aching to be posted. Have fun, and don't forget to smile and review.  
  
Ok, for reference, this is going to be in play format (just cause that makes it even funnier)  
  
~Things between the tildes is blocking info (for non-theater buffs, blocking is what the director does, telling the actors where they are in a scene and what they're doing)~  
  
**Asterisks before name indicates singing. Hey, I said it was a musical. I will also indent songs so you can tell songs from speech. I've read enough scripts as an Assistant Director to know how confusing the blasted things can be.  
  
Ok, just so no one thinks I wrote these songs myself (but remember, I may change some of the words)  
  
Go the Distance - Hercules, Disney  
  
Empty Heart, Just Because it's Magic, And Son - Geppetto, Disney  
  
You'll Be in My Heart - Tarzan, Disney  
  
It's not Easy - Pete's Dragon, Disney  
  
Playing with the Big Boys Now - Prince of Egypt, WB  
  
Not One of Us - Lion King 2: Simba's Pride, Disney  
  
In the Dark of the Night - Anastasia, WB  
  
The story will progress much the same as the book in the beginning, save some insight on a certain potions professor.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
ACT I, SCENE I: Cupboard under the stairs. July 15, 1991 (hint: Harry's about to get his first letter from Hogwarts)  
  
~We find our hero hidden under a blanket, holding a flashlight to a tattered photograph of a young woman. The writing reads "Lily at graduation."~ (A/N: Harry must have found a picture of his mother when she was younger in one of Petunia's old albums stuffed into the attic, forgotten, and stolen it.)  
  
-Music starts, Go the Distance  
  
**HARRY:  
  
I have often dreamed of a far off place  
  
Where a great, warm welcome will be waiting for me.  
  
Where the crowds will cheer when they see my face  
  
And a voice keeps saying this is where I'm meant to be.  
  
~sighs and looks out of the slot into the dark hallway~  
  
I will find my way, I can go the distance.  
  
I'll be there someday, if I can be strong.  
  
I know every mile will be worth my while.  
  
I would go most anywhere to feel like I belong.  
  
-End music  
  
(A/N: These scenes are the same, so I won't go into them. On with musical!)  
  
ACT I. SCENE II: Dudley's Birthday  
  
ACT I, SCENE III: Letters  
  
ACT I, SCENE IV: Rainy Island  
  
ACT I, SCENE V: Diagon Alley  
  
ACT I, SCENE VI: Snape manor. August 30, 1991  
  
~We see Severus Snape getting ready for bed, slipping on his black nightgown (complete with night hat). He goes around his large house, putting out candles and preparing for bedtime.~  
  
-Music starts, Empty Heart  
  
**SNAPE:  
  
I know my heart is large,  
  
That's why it feels so empty.  
  
If I could have just one wish come true,  
  
I'd fill this empty heart.  
  
I fill my days with work,  
  
I fill my nights with dreaming;  
  
And wait in hopes of a someone who  
  
Can fill this empty heart.  
  
~He closes his bedroom door and turns down his bed~  
  
Like an open shell on the shore,  
  
Like a riverbed dry of all water  
  
Nothing's growing here anymore.  
  
Is it too late for life to start?  
  
~Opens the window and sits on the ledge, looking out.~  
  
On such a magic night,  
  
When all the world shining  
  
My foolish prayer, may it travel far.  
  
I even wish on the wishing star  
  
To fill this empty heart.  
  
-Pan out, music ends  
  
ACT I, SCENE VII: Hogwarts Express. August 31, 1991  
  
~Harry sits alone in the compartment, eager to be actually going.~  
  
-Refrain starts, Go the Distance  
  
**HARRY:  
  
I am on my way, I can go the distance.  
  
I don't care how far, somehow I'll be strong.  
  
I know every mile will be worth my while.  
  
I would go most anywhere to find where I belong.  
  
-As the song ends, enter RON WEASLEY. Continue scene.  
  
ACT I, SCENE VIII: Boat ride and Malfoy  
  
ACT I, SCENE IX: Sorting Ceremony  
  
(A/N: This is where it changes a little. As Aug 31 was a Sat, they get Sunday off, so they don't start the next day. Here's what happened between the Ceremony and Transfiguration class Monday morning.)  
  
ACT I, SCENE X: Harry visits Hagrid (A/N: who already has Norbert). Sept 1, 1991  
  
HARRY: Hello Hagrid. What do you have there?  
  
HAGRID: 'Allo 'Arry. This 'ere's Norbert.  
  
~Hagrid pulls up the dragon to sit in his lap~  
  
HARRY: Hagrid! That's a dragon!  
  
HAGRID: Right yeh are, 'Arry.  
  
-yep you guessed it, music starts. It's Not Easy  
  
**HARRY:  
  
(spoken) What is he like?  
  
**HAGRID  
  
(spoken) Just a plain ordinary dragon.  
  
**HARRY:  
  
(spoken) How plain? How ordinary?  
  
**HAGRID:  
  
He has the head of a camel,  
  
The neck of a crocodile.  
  
**HARRY:  
  
It sounds rather strange.  
  
**HAGRID:  
  
He's both a fish and a mammal  
  
And I hope he'll never change.  
  
'Cause it's not easy  
  
To find someone who cares.  
  
**HARRY:  
  
It's not easy  
  
To find magic in pairs.  
  
**HAGRID:  
  
I'm glad I found him.  
  
I love him,  
  
I won't let him get away.  
  
'Cause it's not easy.  
  
**HARRY:  
  
You say the head of a camel,  
  
The neck of a crocodile?  
  
**HAGRID:  
  
And the ears of a cow!  
  
**HARRY:  
  
It's clear that friends can be different.  
  
Yes, I understand you now.  
  
**BOTH (in harmony):  
  
It's not easy  
  
To find someone who cares.  
  
It's not easy  
  
To find magic in pairs.  
  
**HARRY:  
  
Now that you have him,  
  
Hold him,  
  
Treasure him from day to day.  
  
It's so easy.  
  
~stands and walks to window, looking out onto grounds~  
  
Life is lollipops and raindrops  
  
With the one you love.  
  
Someone you can always be with,  
  
Argue and agree with.  
  
**HAGRID: ~stands to join him~  
  
Climb the highest tree with!  
  
**BOTH:  
  
It's not easy  
  
To share somebody's dream.  
  
It gets easy  
  
When you work as a team.  
  
**HARRY:  
  
You've got to tend it, fan it.  
  
**HAGRID:  
  
That's what I plan to do.  
  
Oh, I had one friend by my side,  
  
Now I have two:  
  
Him and you.  
  
**HARRY:  
  
Him and me.  
  
**BOTH (in harmony):  
  
And it's so easy.  
  
HARRY: Well, I'll be seeing you Hagrid. I need to go to dinner, then get ready for classes. I can't wait!  
  
HAGRID: Bye 'Arry! Oh, an I'd appreciate it if yeh din mention this to anyone. Not suppose to 'ave a dragon yeh know.  
  
~Harry waves goodbye to Hagrid and Norbert and heads off to the castle.~  
  
  
  
ACT I, SCENE XI: Classes  
  
ACT I, SCENE XII: Fluffy  
  
ACT I, SCENE XIII: Halloween  
  
ACT I, SCENE XIV: Quidditch game  
  
ACT I, SCENE XV: Christmas  
  
ACT I, SCENE XVI: Mirror of Erusid (with one change, James is kinda blurry, but he attributes this to his bad memory)  
  
ACT I, SCENE XVII: Through the trapdoor  
  
ACT I, SCENE XVIII: Confronting Professor Querrel  
  
ACT I, SCENE XIX: House Cup, Leaving Feast  
  
ACT I, SCENE XX: Not really going home  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
A/N: Ok, so what did everyone think? Crazy? Funny? Stupid? Anyone out there? I really didn't feel like writing out the whole thing, so everyone can go watch the movie if they don't know what happens in any of these scenes.  
  
This is where things get different. AU all the way. Gotta go work on ACT II. 


	2. Act II

Ok, here starts the AU. Voldemort's rise comes a little earlier than the books, and Lupin make his musical debut. I can see it now...Lupin in Elvis costume, swaying his hips, "I ain't nothin but a werewolf, howling all the time!" LOL ok, bad Trish, no cookie.  
  
On with Act II  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
ACT II, SCENE I: Cupboard under the stairs, June 1992  
  
~Harry is once again holding his flashlight, but he's now inspecting the album Hagrid gave him. After he flicks off the light, he lays down on the threadbare mattress. As he drifts off to sleep, he hears his mother's last lullaby.~  
  
-music starts, You'll Be in My Heart  
  
**LILY'S VOICE:  
  
Come stop your crying, it will be all right.  
  
Just take my hand, hold it tight.  
  
I will protect you from all around you.  
  
I will be here, don't you cry.  
  
For one so small, you seem so strong.  
  
My arms will hold you keep you safe and warm.  
  
This bond between us can't be broken.  
  
I will be here, don't you cry.  
  
'Cause you'll be in my heart.  
  
Yes, you'll be in my heart.  
  
From this day on, now and forever more.  
  
You'll be in my heart,  
  
No matter what they say.  
  
You'll be here in my heart always.  
  
~fade to black as Harry sleeps_  
  
  
  
ACT II, SCENE II: Somewhere dark and creepy, same night  
  
LUCIUS MALFOY: Master, you are not yet strong enough. Let us help you.  
  
SIRIUS (A/N: My fic, my rules): There are many more of us now that you have freed Azkaban. We can do your bidding; you should not weaken yourself.  
  
VOLDEMORT: Relax imbeciles. I am not venturing forth just yet. Young Potter will suffer before I claim him.  
  
-Music starts (this will be good), In the Dark of the Night  
  
**VOLDEMORT:  
  
In the dark of the night I was tossing and turning,  
  
And the nightmare I had was as bad as can be.  
  
It scared me out of my wits-- a corpse falling to bits!  
  
Then I opened my eyes and the nightmare was... Me!!  
  
~stands and sweeps the sky with his hand~  
  
I was once the most mystical man on the earth.  
  
When the Potters renounced me they made a mistake!  
  
My curse made each of them pay,  
  
But one little boy got away!  
  
Little Potter, beware, The Dark Lord's awake!  
  
**DEATH-EATERS:  
  
In the dark of the night evil will find him.  
  
In the dark of the night just before dawn! Aah...  
  
**VOLDEMORT:  
  
Revenge will be sweet...  
  
*ALL:  
  
When the curse is complete!  
  
In the Dark of the Night, he'll be mine!  
  
**VOLDEMORT:  
  
I can feel that my powers are slowly returning!  
  
Tie my sash and a dash of cologne for that smell!  
  
As the pieces fall into place, I'll see him crawl into place!  
  
Dasvidanya, Potter, your grace, farewell!  
  
**DEATH-EATERS:  
  
In the dark of the night terror will strike her!  
  
**VOLDEMORT:  
  
Terror's the least I can do!  
  
**DEATH-EATERS:  
  
In the dark of the night evil will brew. Ooh!  
  
**VOLDEMORT:  
  
Soon he will feel that his nightmares are real.  
  
**DEATH-EATERS:  
  
In the dark of the night  
  
**VOLDEMORT:  
  
He'll be through!  
  
**DEATH-EATERS: ~form conga line~  
  
In the dark of the night evil will find her.  
  
**LUCIUS MALFOY: ~at head of line~  
  
Find her! Ooh!  
  
**DEATH-EATERS:  
  
In the dark of the night terror comes true.  
  
**LUCIUS MALFOY:  
  
Doom her!  
  
**VOLDEMORT: ~joins Death-eaters in conga line~  
  
My boy, here's a sign  
  
**ALL:  
  
It's the end of the line.  
  
~Line breaks. They surround cauldron~  
  
In the dark of the night, in the dark of the night.  
  
~Voldemort stands over cauldron, gesturing to the death-eaters by his side~  
  
**VOLDEMORT:  
  
Come my minions, rise for your master;  
  
Let your evil shine.  
  
Find him now, yes fly ever faster  
  
**DEATH-EATERS:  
  
In the dark of the night!  
  
In the dark of the night!  
  
In the dark of the night!  
  
**VOLDEMORT:  
  
(screams) He'll be mine!  
  
-Pan out on scene, while Voldemort and Death-eaters have a grand old time partying and such  
  
  
  
ACT II, SCENE III: Hogwarts, Headmaster's office. Later that night.  
  
~Severus Snape busts in, no regard for the door or the privacy of the man inside. Albus Dumbledore is found in swimming trunks standing on a surf board, singing "Surfin USA"~  
  
SNAPE: Albus I need to -- ~sees Headmaster of Hogwarts "surfing"~ -- come back at another time.  
  
DUMBLEDORE: No, no, that's quite all right. ~Waves his hand and board disappears, leaving the Headmaster in his robes. He sits behind his desk, clearly unaffected by having been discovered.~  
  
SNAPE: Voldemort is planning to attack Harry over the summer. We just had an, er, discussion over the subject. He plans to make Harry pay before he dies.  
  
DUMBLEDORE: You know, I just realized something.  
  
SNAPE: What is that?  
  
DUMBLEDORE: You just called him by his first name twice without wincing. Congratulations! I think you are beginning to accept the fact that he is your son.  
  
SNAPE: Headmaster that is hardly the most pressing issue here. He is in danger.  
  
DUMBLEDORE: Then retrieve him and look after him.  
  
SNAPE: Me!?!? Why me?  
  
DUMBLEDORE: You are his father, and the last person Voldemort would suspect of hiding the boy. It is time he knew the truth.  
  
SNAPE: ~now in a mad rave~ Fine, but don't ask questions if he suddenly disappears.  
  
DUMBLEDORE: (warning tone) Severus..  
  
SNAPE: Oh all right! ~Throws hands up in exasperation~ Just don't expect family-night right off.  
  
DUMBLEDORE: And I was so looking forward to beating Minerva at Monopoly.  
  
~After a glare at Dumbledore, Snape leaves, just as quickly as he had come, and the Headmaster resumes his activity.~  
  
  
  
ACT II, SCENE IV: Dungeons of Hogwarts. About five minutes after last scene.  
  
~Snape bursts in (big surprise) to find Remus Lupin waiting for him~  
  
SNAPE: What do you want?  
  
LUPIN: To knock some sense into you. He's your SON Severus. My God, don't you think he deserves at least the truth?  
  
SNAPE: I just had this talk with the Headmaster.  
  
LUPIN: Oh, dang. That ruins everything. I had a big speech prepared about how it's not always easy, and stuff. So what are you going to do about it?  
  
SNAPE: I don't know. Albus wishes me to retrieve and look after the boy.  
  
LUPIN: You should. He's your son, and you know as well as I do that he never asked for all this.  
  
SNAPE: I will, but I'll allow him to remain with his relatives a few more days. I need to find out Voldemort's exact plans.  
  
LUPIN: Harry may not last that long. They're harder than ever on him since he got back.  
  
SNAPE: What are you talking about?  
  
-Music starts, Just Because it's Magic  
  
**LUPIN: ~dancing in a circle around Snape~  
  
Certain people seem to lack a certain introspection;  
  
Racing like a maniac in the wrong direction.  
  
SNAPE: Wrong direction?  
  
**LUPIN:  
  
Oh dear, for someone as obtuse as you, I'll have to engineer,  
  
Something extra clear. Look here.  
  
~waves wand in circle, and looking glass appears. It shows Harry, sleeping in a rather odd position in the cupboard. He already has bruises on his arms, in the shape of fingers, which grabbed him a little too hard. Snape sees this, and the rage builds in his eyes. He flies out of the dungeon, intending to rescue him.~  
  
**LUPIN: ~singing quietly after the raging form~  
  
Frankly you are such a stubborn dope,  
  
I'm not really holding out much hope.  
  
Even with my magic, but we'll see.  
  
  
  
ACT II, SCENE V: 4 Privet Drive. A little while after last scene.  
  
UNCLE VERNON (off camera): Harry! Get in here and make us breakfast!  
  
~Harry looks at watch, knowing it must be about 3 am, but watch in indeed broken. Harry gets up and exits his small cupboard, entering the kitchen. It is indeed early, for the sun isn't even up yet.~  
  
HARRY: Yes Uncle Vernon  
  
UNCLE VERNON: ~Sitting at table, reading newspaper~ I suppose you wish to know why we're up so early? Well, that is none of your business, but if it were, we're going on vacation. You are staying with Mrs. Figg.  
  
HARRY: ~groans softly, which gets him swatted with the newspaper~  
  
UNCLE VERNON: Don't be ungrateful boy! We could have let you freeze out in the cold instead of caring for you all these years.  
  
SNAPE (off camera): I'd hardly call what you do to my son caring.  
  
~Harry's eyes bulge, for the fact Professor Snape just apparated into the middle of the kitchen, and he had called Harry his son. Aunt Petunia shrieks and faints, Dudley stares, holding his hind-quarters.~  
  
UNCLE VERNON (red face and all): HOW DARE YOU COME IN HERE! GET OUT IMMEDIATELY!  
  
SNAPE: I'd be only happy to, once you show me where Harry's things are. We will be of no bother to you from this day forth.  
  
HARRY: ~practically jumping up and down~ My things are up in the attic. I'll go get them.  
  
UNCLE VERNON: You will do no such thing! ~moves to grab Harry's arm~  
  
SNAPE: ~Pulls wand~ You lay another hand on that boy I will not hesitate to use an Unforgivable on you and your entire miserable family.  
  
~Uncle Vernon stops, and Harry rushes upstairs. In less than five minutes, he is ready to go.~  
  
HARRY: Ready..Dad.  
  
~Harry smiles, and Snape blinks at him. He nods and offers his hand. Harry grabs it eagerly and lays his other hand on his pile of things.~  
  
HARRY: Dad, what's an Unforgivable?  
  
SNAPE: Not now son.  
  
~They apparate away from Privet Drive forever.~  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
A/N: Hehe, I just had to have Lupin dancing in a circle. It just seems to fit him. It's getting late here. Only two acts left, but they are pretty funny too. I think this was the funniest, but Act IV may be pretty dang hilarious. Thanks for the reviews. Keep em comin! 


	3. Act III

Sorry it took so long. Stupid augmentee duty. Anyway! On with the musical. This is where it gets good (like Lupin dancing in a circle around Snape wasn't good enough!). Thanks to my reviewers, the few, the proud.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
ACT III, SCENE I: Snape Manor, a little later in the day.  
  
SNAPE: You are going to live with me now.  
  
HARRY: Really? No more Dursleys?! ~hugs Snape, awkwardly~  
  
SNAPE: No more Dursleys. Now, in this house, whatever you want, you get. I have house elves to do all the chores, so you need not worry about them.  
  
-Yep, music time again, I Think I'm Gonna Like it Here  
  
**SNAPE:  
  
Seceel will pick out all your clothes  
  
~House Elf 1 pops out with patches of fabric~  
  
**SECEEL:  
  
His color is blue, no red me thinks!  
  
**SNAPE:  
  
You're bath is drawn by Pompatir.  
  
~House Elf 2 pops with trays of soap and washclothes~  
  
**POMPATIR:  
  
Soap, no bubbles me thinks!  
  
**SNAPE:  
  
Annet comes in to change your bed.  
  
~House Elf 3 comes up behind them with a stack of sheets and a large fluffy pillow~  
  
**ANNET:  
  
Silk, no satin sheets me thinks!  
  
**HARRY:  
  
I think I'm gonna like it here!  
  
**SNAPE:  
  
The swimming pool is to the left.  
  
**HARRY:  
  
A pool inside? Cool!  
  
**SNAPE:  
  
The tennis courts are in the rear.  
  
**HARRY:  
  
Is it anything like Quidditch?  
  
**SNAPE: ~turns to House Elf 4~  
  
Have Harry's stuff unpacked by noon.  
  
**HARRY:  
  
I think I'm gonna like it here!  
  
**SNAPE:  
  
When you wake, ring for Drake.  
  
Drake will bring your tray.  
  
~House Elf 5 scurries through, leaving Harry with a tray~  
  
When you're through, Minacue  
  
Comes to take it away.  
  
~House Elf 6 grabs tray from Harry. Snape and Harry take a quick tour of his bedroom.~  
  
**ELVES: (of which there seem to be a lot)  
  
No need to pick up any toys.  
  
**HARRY:  
  
That's okay, I haven't got any anyway.  
  
**ELVES:  
  
No finger will you lift, my sir!  
  
We have just one request.  
  
That sir puts us to the test!  
  
*HARRY:  
  
I KNOW I'm gonna like it here!  
  
Used to room in a tomb where I'd sit and freeze.  
  
~Elves bring Harry new robes, which he dons~  
  
Get me now, holy cow!  
  
Could someone pinch me please!  
  
**SNAPE:  
  
I've never had a little boy.  
  
(spoken) or anything else for that matter.  
  
**HARRY:  
  
I'm very glad to volunteer!  
  
**ELVES:  
  
We hope sir understands,  
  
His wish is our command.  
  
**HARRY (ELVES):  
  
I know I'm (We know sir is)  
  
Gonna like it here!  
  
-music ends  
  
~Elves scurry out of sight. Harry emerges from his room, dressed in black velvet robes.~  
  
SNAPE: Not bad son!  
  
HARRY: This is way better than Dudley's old uniform!  
  
  
  
ACT III, SCENE II: Snape Manor. Dinner time  
  
HARRY: Dad, do I have to stay in Gryffindor? I mean, the hat wanted to put me in Slytherin, but I told it not to. Now I think it was right.  
  
SNAPE: ~staring wide-eyed~ Why on earth would you not want to be in Slytherin?  
  
HARRY: You didn't talk to Draco on the train did you? And Ron said that there was a Dark wizard that wasn't in Slytherin.  
  
SNAPE: ~chuckles~ You may enter Slytherin; I'll have a talk with the Headmaster. This is unprecedented though.  
  
HARRY: ~shoveling down his food~ I need to tell Ron and Hermione. They'll never believe this!  
  
SNAPE: Then why bother telling them?  
  
~Harry gives Snape sarcastic sneer (he's gotten the hang of it after a couple of hours) and bolts up the stairs~  
  
HARRY'S VOICE: ~as he writes~  
  
Dear Ron (and Hermione, it's the same letter)  
  
You'll never believe this! Snape is my father. I'm moving to Slytherin. Tell ya all about it on the train.  
  
Harry  
  
~gives both letters to Hedwig, who delivers them. The whole summer goes by with no response from either.~  
  
  
  
ACT III, SCENE III: Diagon Alley, take two  
  
HARRY: I see them! ~waves hands frantically, but they don't react.~  
  
SNAPE: I need to go to the bank. Can you get everything without me?  
  
HARRY: Yes, I'll just go with Ron and 'Mione. Bye Dad!  
  
~Harry skips off after his friends. Just after Snape enters the bank, all the Gryffindors come out of various shops.~  
  
-Music starts, Not One of Us  
  
**FRED:  
  
Deception  
  
**GEORGE:  
  
Disgrace  
  
**PARVATI:  
  
Evil as plan as the scar on his face.  
  
**FRED:  
  
Deception  
  
**RON:  
  
An outrage!  
  
**GEORGE:  
  
Disgrace  
  
**HERMIONE:  
  
For shame!  
  
**GINNY:  
  
He asked for trouble the moment he came!  
  
**FRED:  
  
Deception  
  
**RON:  
  
An outrage!  
  
**GEORGE:  
  
Disgrace  
  
**HERMIONE:  
  
For shame!  
  
**PARVATI:  
  
Evil as plan as the scar on his face.  
  
**FRED:  
  
Deception  
  
**RON:  
  
An outrage!  
  
**WOOD:  
  
Just leave us alone!  
  
**GEORGE:  
  
Disgrace  
  
**HERMIONE:  
  
For shame!  
  
**LAVENDAR:  
  
Traitor, go back with your own!  
  
**GINNY:  
  
He asked for trouble the moment he came!  
  
**ALL:  
  
Born in grief, raised in hate.  
  
Helpless to defy his fate.  
  
Let him run, let him live,  
  
But do not forget what we cannot forgive!  
  
And he is not one of us,  
  
He has never been one of us.  
  
He is not a part of us,  
  
Not our kind.  
  
Someone once lied to us,  
  
Now we're not so blind.  
  
For we knew he would do what he's done.  
  
And we know that he'll never be one of us.  
  
**HERMIONE:  
  
He is not one of us.  
  
**FRED:  
  
Deception  
  
**GEORGE:  
  
Disgrace  
  
**RON:  
  
Deception  
  
~Gryffindors fade back into shops or shadows, leaving Harry alone in the street~  
  
  
  
ACT III, SCENE IV: Voldemort's castle, October 3 (so we skipped ahead a little. What's it to ya)  
  
LUCIUS MALFOY: With Harry Potter so close to Slytherin house, would he not be a more powerful ally?  
  
VOLDEMORT: Fool, this is not Star Wars! I want him dead! CRUCIO!  
  
~Pain, agony, terror, more pain..you get the idea~  
  
On the other hand, ~waves his hand and the pain lessens, though it lingers~ you may have a point. With Potter on my side, I will finally be unstoppable! Fetch me the Severus Snape!  
  
POP ~Snape appears with Wormtail and Malfoy by his side.~  
  
SNAPE: ~kneeling in front of the Dark Lord~ You beckoned, Master?  
  
VOLDEMORT: It has come to my attention that Harry Potter has entered your house.  
  
SNAPE: ~Under his breath~ I told you that months ago. ~Aloud~ Yes Master.  
  
VOLDEMORT: Bring him to me on Halloween. I wish to talk to the dear boy. No harm will come to him...yet.  
  
SNAPE: Yes Master. Your bidding will be done.  
  
~Snape leaves, sighing in relief on having avoided the Cruciatus. Pain rakes through his body and he hears Voldemort in his head.~  
  
VOLDEMORT'S VOICE: Didn't think you were getting away that easily did ya? Bye now.  
  
~Pain subsides~  
  
  
  
ACT III, SCENE V: After Halloween feast, umm.Halloween?  
  
SNAPE: Harry, I have to run an errand, and you are coming with me.  
  
HARRY: BUT?  
  
SNAPE: Don't start with me. Playing "Trip the Hufflepuff" can wait.  
  
~Grumbling, Harry stands and bids goodbye to Draco, who gladly takes up the game.~  
  
HARRY: Where are we going?  
  
SNAPE: The Dark Lord wishes to talk to you.  
  
HARRY: Oh, that's just great. I was wondering when he'd get around to me.  
  
SNAPE: Don't start. He's promised he will not to harm you tonight. I think he wishes you to join him.  
  
HARRY: Nothing doin! I'm going back to my game.  
  
SNAPE: If you don't come, he'll kill me and you can go live with the Dursleys again.  
  
HARRY: OK OK! Geez, I hate it when you pull the Dursley-card.  
  
~They walk to the edge of Hogwarts' grounds and Apparate to the Dark Lord's Manor.~ 


	4. Act IV

Here it is...the final act. Ok, so this has been a complete waste of time, but I get a good laugh every time I open the files, so I guess it wasn't a total loss. I hope no one is too creeped out. This kinda came outta the blue. I promise, this is the last you'll hear from this muse; I'm firing her. Thanks to all two of my readers. LOL  
  
I do plan to answer Severitus' challenge in a serious way, but I need to finish "The Last Sorcerer" first.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
ACT IV, SCENE I: The Dark Lord's Manor, Halloween night  
  
VOLDEMORT: Good job Severus. I see you are as faithful as ever.  
  
SNAPE: ~kneeling~ I would not disobey you Master. My only request is you don't harm the boy. Dumbledore will get suspicious, as he knows I have the boy in my care.  
  
VOLDEMORT: Very well. Leave us.  
  
~Snape rises and leaves. Voldemort looks to Harry, who is toeing the floor, obviously bored out of his mind.~  
  
VOLDEMORT: How are you boy?  
  
HARRY: Fine, until I saw your ugly face. I should kill you now and get it over with.  
  
~Death Eaters enter and surround him, and Voldemort disappears into the shadows~  
  
VOLDEMORT (fading): Teach the boy who is Master is.  
  
~Lucius and Wormtail emerge and smile evilly~  
  
-Music starts, Playing with the Big Boys Now  
  
**LUCIUS:  
  
So you think you've got friends in high places,  
  
With the power to put us on the run?  
  
**WORMTAIL:  
  
Well, forgive us these smiles on our faces.  
  
You'll know what power is when we are done, Son.  
  
**LUCIUS:  
  
You're playing with the big boys now.  
  
**WORMTAIL:  
  
Playing with the big boys now.  
  
**LUCIUS:  
  
Ev'ry spell and gesture  
  
Tells you who's the best  
  
**BOTH:  
  
You're playing with the big boys now.  
  
**LUCIUS:  
  
You're playing with the big boys now.  
  
**WORMTAIL:  
  
Playing with the big boys now.  
  
**LUCIUS:  
  
Stop this foolish mission.  
  
Watch a true magician  
  
Give an exhibition how.  
  
**WORMTAIL:  
  
Pick up your silly twig, boy!  
  
**BOTH:  
  
You're playing with the big boys now!  
  
**LUCIUS:  
  
You're playing with the big boys now.  
  
**WORMTAIL:  
  
Playing with the big boys now.  
  
**BOTH:  
  
By the might of Horus (whoever that is)  
  
You will kneel before us,  
  
Kneel to our splendorous power!  
  
**LUCIUS:  
  
You put up a front!  
  
**WORMTAIL:  
  
You put up a fight!  
  
And just to show we feel no spite.  
  
**LUCIUS:  
  
You can be our acolyte.  
  
**BOTH:  
  
But first boy it's time to bow!  
  
**LUCIUS:  
  
Or it's your own grave you'll dig boy!  
  
You're playing with the big boys,  
  
**WORMTAIL:  
  
Playing with the big boys now!  
  
-Music ends  
  
~Voldemort comes back in~  
  
VOLDEMORT: Well, how is my newest charge.  
  
HARRY: Oh bother! I don't have time for this.  
  
~Pulls out a bucket of holy water and douses Voldemort, melting him (think Wizard of Oz)~  
  
HARRY: You can all bug off as well.  
  
~Death Eaters, shocked, retreat back into the shadows. Snape comes in and sees puddle of goo that was once the Dark Lord.~  
  
SNAPE: Is that Voldemort!?!  
  
GOO: Was. Oh, the humiliation!  
  
HARRY: Let's go home Dad! ~Grabs Snape's hand and they apparate back to Hogwarts~  
  
  
  
ACT IV, SCENE II: Hogwarts, Slytherin Dorms  
  
~Harry enters and plops down in a high-backed chair. Draco comes down~  
  
DRACO: What was that all about?  
  
HARRY: Voldemort wanted me to join him  
  
DRACO: Hmpf. He never asked me to join him!  
  
HARRY: Well, he's gone now. Let's go mess with the Ravenclaws!  
  
DRACO: Okay!  
  
~They grab their wands and run from the dorms~  
  
  
  
  
  
ACT IV, SCENE III: Snape Manor, Dungeons. Summer break (yes, I skipped again)  
  
~Snape sits in his lab, brewing a potion. Harry is sitting in the corner, reading a book on Quidditch~  
  
HARRY: This is great Dad. I've never had more fun  
  
SNAPE: I can't help thinking that was a sarcastic remark  
  
HARRY: ME? ~feigns innocence~  
  
SNAPE: You'd do good to learn more about potions. You'll take over when I'm gone.  
  
HARRY: Fine. But why do I have to take over?  
  
SNAPE: ~sighs~ come here. ~grabs Floo powder, and soon they are standing in Diagon Alley.~  
  
-music begins, And Son  
  
**SNAPE: ~points to a sign that says "Nikoli and Son"~  
  
See the words on the sign in that window?  
  
Those are words I have envied for years.  
  
But today I'm no longer chagrined over them;  
  
What that guy can say, finally I can say.  
  
~wraps his arm around Harry's shoulder~  
  
And son; that's the addendum that always should end a man's name.  
  
And son, now when I say it, or proudly display it,  
  
It's done by Severus and son.  
  
~Harry grabs his hand and smiles~  
  
You belong with me, sing the song with me!  
  
**BOTH:  
  
And son, that's the addendum that always should end a man's name.  
  
And son, just like the garden, we bask,  
  
If you pardon the pun, in Severus and son.  
  
**SNAPE: ~Sweeps the sky with his hand, basking in the sunshine~  
  
It's a wonderful day for a papa.  
  
**HARRY:  
  
It's a wonderful day for his boy.  
  
**BOTH:  
  
To be sharing activities properly planned.  
  
**SNAPE:  
  
By a dad at last,  
  
**HARRY:  
  
For his lad at last!  
  
~They get his school supplies for the next year. Then they buy ice cream and go around watching everyone.~  
  
**BOTH:  
  
And son; life is misspent till you make things parental your aim.  
  
**SNAPE:  
  
It's grand, Son  
  
**BOTH:  
  
Who else could laugh as much, have even half as much fun,  
  
As Severus and son.  
  
-end music  
  
  
  
ACT IV, SCENE V: Back at Snape Manor, Laboratories  
  
~Both are now working on potions, Harry smiling up at his father every now and then~  
  
-Music starts again, And Son (last time, I promise)  
  
**BOTH:  
  
And son, two words that promise the quality from is the same.  
  
**SNAPE:  
  
And son, says my technique will be passed to my sequel,  
  
It's under the care of someone.  
  
Who's grown up to be, exactly like me.  
  
For I am not just Severus, I am Severus and son.  
  
No I am not just Severus, I am Severus and..CRASH!  
  
~Looks over, and sees Harry, who has fallen asleep over his cauldron. He laughs, and picks up the boy, placing him on the couch~  
  
SNAPE: Good night Harry.  
  
  
  
~CURTAIN~  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Are you glad it's over? I am. This was starting to bug me, but it had to be finished. I never wish to see it again. Now, on to my serious fic, but only after I finish "The Last Sorcerer."  
  
I again apologize any discomfort this has caused, but hopefully you got a laugh. That was the whole point.  
  
Aztec 


	5. Thanks and Cheers

Ok, please don't shoot me. This was just too good an idea to pass up. I don't know if I'm writing a serious answer to the challenge yet; I need to finish The Last Sorcerer first. I know this is silly, and downright stupid, but we all need a little laughter in our lives. And come on..you have to admit Lupin dancing in a circle around Sevvie was hilarious. And Voldemort melting into goo? And the Death Eater conga line? ROFLMAO..good times. I will always have fond memories when I think back on this fic, and laugh at the image of Dumbledore "surfing" in his office.  
  
But all will be glad to hear that my muse is healthy again, and has sworn on his creativity that he will never pull something like this again.  
  
Thank you to the few who actually took the time to read it. I hope you laughed (because that was the purpose of this whole thing). Now get back to writing, or I'll poison your muses and you'll be forced to write something similar.  
  
Aztec 


End file.
